Waiting, Not Fading.

After an 18- hour train ride through Poland, having had nothing to eat but the flavoring packet from a package of noodles, I was exhausted and incredibly thirsty. Due to the language barrier, we hadn’t known there was no service on the train and that no potable water was available. I woke long after my travel partners had finished eating the uncooked noodles. Only the seasoning packet was left, so, partly out of hunger, but mostly intending to illustrate the natural results of their selfishness, I ate my packet of seasoning. I realized almost immediately that this was a point not worth making; but with great zeal, I finished the flavoring packet and licked the foil clean.
Arriving at the Frankfurt Airport that evening, we met up with another travel team from the same mission school that we were with. We had parted ways with them three months earlier at this same station when they had gone to Greece and we had gone to Poland. After greeting our friends, and addressing my thirst issues, I pulled out my sleeping bag, moved to the edge of the barren ticketing area, and settled in for a much needed nap. We had a night to spend in the Frankfurt airport before our flight left the following day. I slept until morning, when the warm sun shone through the glass walls and ceiling onto my face, waking me gently, the way nature tends to do. A small stretch in my sleeping bag, and my eyes began to open. In a state of confusion, I looked around and all I could see can only be described as a forest of legs, legs everywhere. And I could hear my friends snickering somewhere beyond the kneecaps. I made a quick assessment. Today was a busy day at the airport, and somehow I had been moved into the center of the check-in area. Ticketing lines were spiraling around me, bags were sliding across the floor past my ears, and I hadn’t woken, hadn’t even stirred during this mischievous displacement. I am a sound sleeper; I always have been.
Two years prior to joining this international mission school, I came to a saving knowledge of Jesus. I was in college, and in the winter of my second year, I was brought to the truth of how I had been living my life. I saw that I was in a place of rebellion, and rather than getting God’s attention, which is all I had ever hoped for, I was living in opposition to Him. I made the decision at that time to live intentionally for Him, to continue in my life to make decisions that would bring me into His will and to live a life worthy of His calling. I left school and moved back home in order to be with my family and to have some time to understand what God was calling me to. The time at home with my family was very hard and I was wondering if I had made the right decision in leaving college. I was knocking on doors, hoping to attend a mission school and it wasn’t coming to pass. The time grew increasingly dark; I was despairing of work at a menial job and just waiting for “the right time”. I had told God that I wouldn’t attend the mission school until I had my family’s blessing to go. Shortly after I had left college I had requested permission from them, and received, in no uncertain terms, “NO”. I continued to attend a local church, which was a great supporter of missions, and so this ache in my heart to go grew increasingly strong; but any indication that my family’s heart was changing was not there. My life was on hold and my hope deferred for an indefinite amount of time. During these times, I feel like I am walking a fine edge. Sometimes, it only takes a small trip or a slip of the foot and I find myself in a pit. This was one of those times. It was a time when it seemed I’d spent my whole life waiting. Waiting for something to come, waiting for direction, being frustrated with saying to God, “Here I am,” and hearing Him say, “Wait.”
One night is the same as another, and one day is like the one before, and then, something changes. Something happens, and it is unsolicited and something you know you need. I went to sleep one night; just simply went to sleep. I had a dream, and in this dream, a man approached me on the street and said, “Write this down.” I awoke in the morning, like I always did, but unlike most dreams, I remembered this one, vaguely. I was a blink away from either remembering or forgetting. “Write this down.” I was able to recall that much, but, write what down? Write what down!? I couldn’t remember. The more I tried, the further it escaped my recollection. Then I saw it; a slip of paper on my dresser. It must have been there the night before, but the scribbled handwriting on it had not been. I read, “Just as I have come that you may have eternal life; I have given Life, that you may Live!” Somehow, I had managed to obey from the depths of my deep sleep.
These words I have carried with me. I was created to be with God in heaven, but I was also created for Life to be lived abundantly here and now. Time permits us to see things in ourselves that we may otherwise be blinded to. If it were not for this time of waiting, I may not have known how easily I give up living a significant life. How easily I give up on the things that bring Joy. Even though I must wait, this is not permission to fade away. Shortly after receiving this word of encouragement, I prayed again with my pastor’s wife; she agreed with me that I should have the blessing of my family. That night, I went home and before I had finished my question, I had received a resounding “Yes”. Completely shocked, I clarified my question. Perhaps, there was a misunderstanding? I received a second Yes. One month later, I was packing my hatchback for the long drive cross-country; after three months of mission school, our team was heading out for Poland and one of the most amazing times of our lives.
I am still trying to understand what God has called me to, and I wonder if anyone ever really feels “grown up”. But as I am living and hopefully still continuing to move towards Him, I try to fill my life developing the gifts he has given, spending time doing what inspires me to love and worship Him, and to fully live the life I was created for. I don’t just sit around and wait to live, when there is much to learn and do in the meantime